Few hymns describe the Christian life with more honesty and spiritual insight than John Newton’s hymn I Asked the Lord That I Might Grow. Newton, the former slave trader turned pastor and author of “Amazing Grace,” understood that the path of sanctification is often very different from what we expect.
Many believers sincerely pray for spiritual growth. We ask God to increase our faith, deepen our love, strengthen our obedience, and draw us closer to Himself. Yet when God begins to answer those prayers, the experience can feel far different than we imagined.
Newton’s hymn explains why.
The hymn begins with a prayer every Christian should make:
I asked the Lord that I might grow
In faith and love and ev’ry grace,
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek more earnestly His face.
Notice that Newton is not praying for health, wealth, success, or comfort. He is praying for holiness. He desires greater faith, greater love, greater grace, and a deeper knowledge of God.
This is the kind of prayer that pleases the Lord. Indeed, Newton reminds us that God Himself taught him to pray this way:
’Twas He who taught me thus to pray.
The desire for spiritual growth is itself evidence of God’s work within us. Left to ourselves, we would never long for holiness. The Spirit creates that desire.
But then comes the surprise. Newton continues:
And He, I trust, has answered prayer,
But it has been in such a way
As almost drove me to despair.
God answered the prayer.
The problem was not that God ignored it but that He answered it far differently than Newton expected.
Most of us imagine that growth in grace will come through pleasant experiences. We assume God will simply remove our temptations, strengthen our resolve, and fill us with immediate victory.
Newton says that was exactly what he expected:
I hoped that in some favored hour
At once He’d answer my request
And, by His love’s constraining pow’r,
Subdue my sins and give me rest.
He wanted instant sanctification, a smooth highway to holiness. He wanted God to remove sin without exposing it. But God had other plans.
Instead of immediately giving victory, God revealed the depth of Newton’s remaining sin.
Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart.
One of the first ways God answers our prayers for growth is by showing us how much we still need Him. Before we can hate sin, we must see it. Before we can fight pride, we must discover the depths of it. Before we can appreciate Christ’s grace more fully, we must become more aware of our own corruption.
This is often one of the most discouraging stages of Christian growth. A new believer may initially feel strong and confident. Yet after years of walking with Christ, many mature believers become increasingly aware of how deep and wide are their shortcomings and sins.
Paradoxically, this is often evidence of growth, not decline. The room always appears dirtier when more light enters it.
Newton goes even further:
And let the angry pow’rs of hell
Assault my soul in ev’ry part.
Many Christians assume that greater holiness should mean fewer spiritual battles. Yet Scripture often teaches the opposite. As believers seek Christ more earnestly, they frequently become more conscious of temptation, opposition, and spiritual warfare. Newton discovered that the pursuit of holiness often involves conflict. The Lord was not abandoning him. Rather, He was training him through the battle.
Perhaps the most painful stanza is the fifth:
Yea, more with His own hand He seemed
Intent to aggravate my woe,
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Humbled my heart and laid me low.
Newton felt as though God Himself was opposing him. His plans failed, expectations crumbled, confidence was shattered, and his heart was laid low.
Many believers have stood in that place. A door closes unexpectedly. A cherished plan collapses. A season of suffering arrives. We wonder why God seems to be dismantling everything we hoped would bring us joy.
Yet Newton eventually realized that God was not destroying him. God was refining him. The Lord was tearing down lesser foundations so that Newton would build his life upon Christ alone.
Finally Newton cries out:
“Lord, why is this,” I trembling cried;
“Wilt Thou pursue Thy worm to death?”
Every suffering believer has asked the same question.
And in the final two stanzas, the Lord provides His answer:
“’Tis in this way,” the Lord replied,
“I answer prayer for grace and faith.”
The very things Newton interpreted as obstacles were actually God’s answer.
The trials were not interruptions to his sanctification. They were the means of his sanctification. The disappointments, humblings, struggles, and inward conflicts were God’s tools for producing the very growth he had requested.
The Lord explains further:
These inward trials I employ
From self and pride to set thee free.
God’s goal is not merely to make us happier. His goal is to make us holier. And one of the greatest obstacles to holiness is self-reliance. We naturally trust ourselves, our plans, our abilities, our wisdom, and our strength. Therefore God lovingly undermines those false confidences so that we will learn to trust Him.
The hymn concludes with one of Newton’s most profound insights:
And break thy schemes of earthly joy
That thou may’st find thy all in Me.
Here is the ultimate purpose behind God’s dealings with His people. God is not merely trying to remove sin. He is teaching us where true joy is found.
We often seek satisfaction in earthly comforts, earthly plans, earthly successes, and earthly dreams. None of these things are necessarily sinful in themselves. Yet when they become our source of security or happiness, they compete with Christ. Therefore God sometimes removes what we thought we needed in order to show us what we truly need. The Lord strips away lesser joys so that we might discover our greatest joy.
The God who teaches us to pray for growth is the same God who wisely determines how that growth will come. And His ultimate purpose is not merely to improve our circumstances but to bring us to the place where we can truly say that Christ is our all in all.